


Bad Thoughts Give Me Bad Dreams

by rainydayribbons



Category: Episode Eddie, 殺戮の天使 | Satsuriku no Tenshi | Angels of Death (Manga)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:21:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27497881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainydayribbons/pseuds/rainydayribbons
Summary: “... I can’t just stop it. I don’t want to, anyway. I don’t have a real reason to.”Carl frowned, “I think not bleeding out on the floor is a good reason.”“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Albert scoffed slightly. Carl frowned a little deeper.
Kudos: 5





	Bad Thoughts Give Me Bad Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> a spontaneous mini-fic idea i had. i sometimes think about how albert would be likely to self-harm, but is the designated Short-Sleeved Shirts wearer in the house, so he probably borrows sweaters from his brother Carl. they're probably only a little bit small on him, but better than nothing.  
> the song title is Sleepwalk by Forrest Day

“Albert, you really can’t keep doing this, man.” Carl exhaled a sigh as he continued to bandage up his brother’s arm. They were both sitting on the bed in Albert’s room - the lighting was dim due to one of the bulbs going out and never replacing it afterwards. It was around three in the morning, a normal time for Albert to be up, but not Carl. He’s gotten used to the late night knocks on his door that signaled his brother needed help patching up, but it didn’t make him any less groggy.

“...Whatever," he only replied back.

“Y’know, I don’t mind you borrowing my shirts and all, but you can’t wear them forever,” Carl patted the long-sleeved sweater folded neatly on the bed, “I mean, they’re gonna notice eventually… I can’t cover for you when that happens.”

“They’re not gonna notice. Even if they do, it’ll just be another thing that makes them despise me.” He spit the words out like they were venom on his tongue. Normally, this would be where Carl interjects and clarifies that they don’t hate him, but he’s learned by now that the sentiment was empty and never seemed to help remedy the situation.

“...You should at least stop for your own sake then,” he responded after securing the bandages on Albert’s arm, “or at least for mine? I’m worried about you, dude… I don’t want to find you like  _ that  _ again.”

Albert knew the event his brother was referring to. Carl wouldn’t let him live it down - it was the reason he was forced to confide in him, after all. All over a stupid mistake of forgetting to lock the bathroom door. It remains a secret between them. (He wonders how many secrets are kept from himself. He wonders what they say.)

“... I can’t just stop it. I don’t want to, anyways. I don’t have a real reason to.”

Carl frowned, “I think not bleeding out on the floor is a good reason...”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Albert scoffed slightly. Carl frowned a little deeper.

“Listen,” Albert continued, “you don’t have to help me if you don’t want to. I couldn’t care either way.”

“But  _ I  _ do!” Carl raised his voice slightly while maintaining a whispered volume. “I don’t know what you’re going through, and I don’t really get it either, but I want to help you, dumbass.” He plopped the rest of his body down against the bed in frustration. They both sat next to each other while trying to avoid eye contact. Albert fiddled with his new bandages a little before being harmlessly swatted at by his brother in a non-verbal way of saying “don’t touch”. He hummed a low but non-threatening growl before he eventually complied. 

“There’s no point to any of it, I didn’t ask for any of this shit, and I definitely didn’t ask for this stupid, annoying vibration.” He wiggled his arm lightly to display the culprit of the sensation. 

“See, I literally don’t get what that means. What vibration? You gotta be more clear.” Carl slouched up slightly so that he was no longer laying down and turned in his brother’s direction. 

“... I get this feeling. It keeps building up and building up. And at first, it was nothing, but then it got stronger and now I don’t know what to do. That’s why you found me with my arms all fucked up. What else was I supposed to do? If I could just tear it out, then maybe…” A vacant expression painted his face as his sentence drifted off.  _ Then maybe I could go back to normal _ .

“I don’t get it, what’s the feeling like?” Carl inquired while shifting his position attentively.

“I don’t know. Like I said, it’s a vibration. It’s like my arms have a hornet’s nest inside them and it just keeps buzzing. And every little thing makes it grow a little louder. I’m sick of it.”

“So… that’s why you do this? I thought you were just depressed or something.” Carl stated inquisitively, waiting to hear how Albert responds to that.

“No,” the answer came immediately - it nearly took Carl back by surprise. “No, I can’t explain it, but… I’m not sad when it happens.”

“What do you mean? What the hell else would you be feeling?” Carl asked in disbelief, not fully accepting the response.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Wait, Albert, come on, don’t shut me out, I just want you to-” he stopped himself short as Albert stood up and stared down at him with eyes sharper than needles. He’s seen this expression before, but usually it was directed at Eddie. Experiencing it first hand made his stomach turn.

“Get out. I’m going to sleep now.”

Carl protested as quietly as he could without wanting to risk waking any of the family members, but he was ultimately shoved and locked out the door. He couldn’t help but stare ahead at the closed door, wondering about what he should have said instead and how he could try to still get his brother’s attention.

Albert did not go to sleep.


End file.
